115: Lora Cheadle – Fall in Love with Your Smart, Sexy, Spiritual Self

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Trust in Your Truth

Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of authors who lead. I'm Azul Terronez your host. So glad that you're here to let today's guests is Laura Cheadle. She's a transformational thought leader and media personality who empowers women to let go of judgment, overcome the need to please and express themselves fully find uninhibited success and joy in every day and incredible method she talks about in her book. The five steps of flunk. We're going to talk all about it. She encourages others to take the lead in the dance of life. Despite any external circumstances. She's the host of a top rated radio show. Flaunt, build your dreams. Live your sparkle, integrating your unique, um, identities as an attorney and a hypnotherapist, a burlesque dancer, and a fiction on all things, fitness related. She's the author of the bestselling book. Flint drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy, and spiritual self. Laura, welcome to the show.

Speaker 2: Oh, thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. This is so exciting. I, as we were talking before we got on here, one of the things that struck me was that I wasn't sure what to get from this book. Uh, at first, because when I noticed this was the book about perhaps finding your inner burlesque persona, I was like, Hmm, maybe, maybe this isn't for me, but I'll dig in. And what I learned was so much of your personality shows up here, which I think a lot of us would be surprised that your journey to write this book Flint and in your current work is very far away from the work you started as a lawyer. Let's talk about the beginning principles of this book, kind of you on you. You reveal yourself as we go at that, the theme of the book, uh, as a lawyer and a mom and all these things that the world expect you to be. Let's talk about that journey. Uh, as you started to go into your career as a young professional woman.

Speaker 2: Oh absolutely. I think many of us can identify with being the good little girl or the good little boy, you know, throughout our lives. We please, our parents, we please our teachers, we please, whoever it is in our life. And we just get so locked into that pattern, really of seeking, what am I supposed to do? Tell me what I'm supposed to do. And then we achieve it. And then we get our little gold star. We get our little Pat on the head, whatever it is. And at some point along the line, it really hit me. Why am I doing this? And for me, that point really didn't happen until I had practiced law for about 10 years. And I had had my second child at the time and I found that I was just constantly running and constantly striving. And that, you know, you hear people say that they're on the hamster wheel, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2: And yeah, that is what it is. But it started hitting me, I think at a more deeper soul level. What is this really all about and why am I doing this? And when I went to law school, I wanted to fight for truth and for justice. And I wanted to create all of this good in the world. And even though I was making a very comfortable living, even though I really enjoyed my job and the people that I was working with, it just really kept hitting me that there's got to be something more, but I didn't know what that something more was because I had always looked outside of myself, tell me what to do. What's the next thing to achieve. And this book is really my journey to drop all of that extreme stuff, all of that external validation and to look within and find out who I was exclusive of my labels and my rules and my scripts and my expectations, and even my beliefs, and to just allow the essence of who I was to start becoming.

Speaker 1: Hm. I love that the essence of who you are start becoming, you start the book off in a really powerful way as you talk about being a lawyer or just that early job being, becoming a lawyer, and you won your first case, you were so excited, you know, and then, uh, you, you, you, you were called back, uh, by the, by the judge and to his private chambers. And I think this really helped me understand the role that women play, uh, even behind the scenes that other women don't see where they're chastised for not being who they're supposed to be, quote, supposed to be. So tell us about that moment where you won the case for your client. So proud you won your first case, which is an incredible thing, right? You're supposed to celebrate your clients are happy. Of course your mentors should be happy. And you're called, um, into the chambers. Tell us about that moment and why that's so defining and the way you use it.

Speaker 2: Oh, it was devastating. Yes. I had one. My first case, I was so proud. I was so happy. The reason that I won it was because I out lawyered the other lawyer, I went to the law library the night before the case, even though I thought I knew everything and I really dedicated myself to researching and to going one step deeper and sure enough, I found a pivotal case that changed the outcome for my clients. So what I did truly was extraordinary and truly was above and beyond what I should have done. And when the judge called me back, he didn't once mention, wow, the night before you came across this information, you were so dedicated. You are so smart. You are so creative to come up with this argument. You know, none of those positives, he went to my physical appearance and to my behavior with my clients, he completely ignored my brains.

Speaker 2: My worth, my ability to outmaneuver an established male attorney instead of congratulating me or commenting at all on anything substantive. He said, I shouldn't smile that much. He said, I should consider wearing pants instead of a skirt, because I had nice legs. I mean, mind, I'm a 23 year old attorney. He told me to wear my hair back. And the entire time his eyes are going up and down my body. And the whole time that I'm standing there, I'm thinking this isn't how it's supposed to be. This isn't how it happens on TV. Is it? Yeah, this isn't the narrative of what is supposed to happen. This is wrong. And I am receiving very wrong behavior from like the upper echelon. Where do you go from here? It's not like I can go to the judge and say your clerk was being sexist. This is the judge.

Speaker 2: You don't confront a judge. If you call out a judge, your law license might be at risk. So the whole time I'm standing there and I can't process, I can't put this all together because so many things are going on in my head. That one, this isn't fair. It's not how it's supposed to be. Didn't you notice what I did? Oh my gosh. You're focusing on my legs. Who are you? And then what can I really do about this? Because if I call you out, I risk damaging my own reputation in my own career. And it was so pivotal because I felt the handcuffs go on. And you know, you hear, you hear other people telling these stories about what, what, how could I do this and how can I overcome it? But until you experience, you know, those handcuffs and hear that snap, you don't really realize, I guess, how threatening and how scary and how unfair so many things really are in this world. And I had, yeah, I had just graduated from law school. I have hundreds of thousands of dollars in loans. I can't just risk my law license. So yeah, that really started my journey.

Speaker 1: Hmm. There's something you said early on in the book, as well as you talk about this notion of the naked self-worth, which is where you talk about the ability to value yourself for who you are instead of what others perceive you or think you should be, is that one of those moments where you started to look and you can look backwards and realize that, that you didn't have that naked self worth at that moment, but we're striving for it later on in life.

Speaker 2: Absolutely. Because what I wanted, I wanted him to validate me. I wanted him to say, wow, you're this new young, hot, young attorney. You're going to be a superstar. I wanted that external validation. And I did not give it to myself. That sent me on one of those kind of like a shame spiral where, Oh my gosh, why did I do this? What did I do wrong? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? And yes, have I had naked self worth at the time, I could have separated that judge and his perception of me with my own perception and my own knowledge that, yes, I did something good and I could have validated myself for it.

Speaker 1: Great. We recently had a, another author on, um, Jason Stewart. He, he talked about that. The advice he'd give his younger self, the younger actor self he's an actor of 25 or sorry, 250 films or TV episodes. And he said my advice to my younger self, whether it's what people think of you is none of your business. I love that. And it's so true. Let's talk about the relationship to burlesque, because that was the part that, that really, that leap that the reader has to make in the book where they're thinking, okay, a lawyer for 10 years on our second child, pretty well established thinking, maybe life shouldn't be this way. So let's do burlesque. Like that's what you kind of started with. So help us understand, because you know, they're going to dig in and learn about the exact details inside of the book when they get to read it, but help us understand that shift. And what helped you see the world through this new lens that you could be someone other than the person you had allowed yourself to be from the outside?

Speaker 2: Absolutely burlesque for me, wasn't a very big leap because I grew up as a dancer, like many little girls. I took dance class and I absolutely loved it. And then in middle school, I was actually very serious about lay. I was with Colorado ballet for a short period of time. I was on the Palm squad in high school and college I've taught fitness since 1988. So movement and being in my body and dancing is just my passion. It's something that I love. But again, like so many people when they grow up and I'm putting grow up in quotes, they let go of the things that they love doing, whether it's playing soccer or, you know, running around on recess or dancing, you grow up and you move away from that. So for me, when I started realizing life is just not thrilling and juicy and delicious, what would help make it?

Speaker 2: So for me, I started thinking about dance and wanting to go back to dance. And at the time I had no idea what burlesque was, but I was at this dance studio. And the story about how I got to the dance studio is a fun one. And it's in the book too, but I got to the dance studio. The class was just the class that was available and it was burlesque. And I thought, well, let's learn about it. Why not? I, my goal is to make myself happy and to reconnect to my body and moving emotion through my body through dance. Well, then I started learning. Burlesque is ironic. It's a parody, it's a stripping down and a shedding of the emotional layers, not just the physical layers. The reason clothing is removed in burlesque. Is it symbolic? You know, if you think about people, uh, police, uh, you know, the police wear uniforms.

Speaker 2: People who fight fires, wear uniforms. If you're in the medical industry, you wear scrubs, our clothing signifies who we are and our role. And oftentimes our value, a power suit, you know, versus painting clothes. And the burlesque, a burlesque uses the clothing as the symbolic metaphor for what it is. It's your power, it's your shame. It's your cover? It's your mask, it's your enhancement. And then as you take it off, you are removing those layers on an emotional level to surprise and delight the audience by revealing your heart, your essence, something surprising that's underneath. And I think for me, it was the surprise and the delight that, okay, here's this upstanding lawyer, this conservative mom of two kids, we'll add her heart. She's not at her heart. She's playful and she's flirtatious and she's smiley and she's bouncy and she's happy. And those are all qualities that people do not think lawyers embody. And that's why burlesque was so powerful for me because we can be all of that and more, we can be intelligent. We can be flirtatious. We can be sexy. We can be spiritual. We can be so much more than oftentimes we present that. We are

Speaker 1: Right now. This is good too. You're helping people understand burlesque because even though it's 150 year old tradition, it's been around for a long time. Most people, there are only thing that they have to put their mind around is the movie was Cher and Christina Galera, which maybe it's shows a light on that. But it's hard to understand what you just shared that this is it's, it's a metaphorical around the shitting of layers. It's not about full nudity. It's actually meant to, to not be that it's not about, it's not like striptease where you're throwing money or offered money. It's a show where people come to be entertained. And I have been to a burlesque show and I helped me understand a lot that this is a performance art. This isn't, it might be a, be a little bit of playful and bringing people in closer to the human body, but it isn't meant to be lustful in that way.

Speaker 1: It's not meant to be that kind of show. So one of the things that you help us understand is the way in which you talk about burlesque. This is parody, sort of like this, this dancing around this, teasing the audience to see something they shouldn't see. Talk a little bit about how that relates to this method, the font method they're trying to help people understand how this persona, this shedding of one belief and identity into another can really help them maybe let go. Of some things they've been holding onto as a sort of a, of a clothing or a layer on the outside.

Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely. Going back to my original story of seeking to please, we have these beliefs around who we should be and what we should do. And oftentimes our identity gets mixed up with what we do instead of having an identity that I am, you know, male, female kind, loving, generous, gentle, instead of having an identity around our qualities and about who we really are inside, we get confused and we'll say things like I am a lawyer. I am, and we own these identities. I am a mother. I am a partner. I am all of these things. Well, everything in life is transitory. And even if you are a lawyer and you are a mother or a father or a partner or a son or a daughter, those things will shift. At some point, somebody will die. You will lose a job. Your kids will move out of the house.

Speaker 2: And that's why we have midlife crises. Midlife crises happen when we're confronted with a diagnosis, you know, a divorce, a job loss, the death of friends or families, because all of a sudden, we go, wait a minute. I don't know who I am. My identity was in my relationships and my rules and my status. And suddenly I don't know who I am. And that's what the flaunt methodology is really designed to teach. And that's what naked self worth is all about. Of course, you can play these roles. You can love these roles. You can embody all these different things, but unless you know who you are inside, unless you know who you are naked underneath all of those layers, you really don't have anything to hold on to. And you will constantly find yourself rocked by the world. You will find yourself taken down and completely undone by somebody else's judgment of you by a job loss by a death. And it's not to say that things aren't difficult, you know, things happen in the world and it's difficult, but it's much more difficult if your identity has been based on those things. So that's what's yeah. So that's what flaunt is designed to do.

Speaker 1: Well, what's really interesting is what I was curious about when I was reading. This is what was the response to your friends? Because obviously when we build a circle, we have, if we're teacher, we have teacher friends. If we're a lawyer, we have lawyer friends. If we're the PTA, my way of PTA mom, friends, what was the, what was the response to the then peer groups and your family, as you started to say, you know, this is who I see myself as, not the corporate lawyer, mom,

Speaker 2: I was pleasantly surprised. I really had a built up in my head that I would be ostracized. The people would think I was absolutely crazy or that they would think I was an exhibitionist or that something was wrong with me. So for a long time, I kind of kept myself in the burlesque closet because I didn't want people to think that I was weird. And then the more I did it, the more I realized what I'm a proponent of, which is honestly revealing yourself as you are. I'm not doing myself. And if I want to walk my talk, I need to come out of this burlesque closet and just be willing to expose myself and to answer questions, if there's questions and by and large, everybody was like, Oh, that sounds amazing. I've always wanted to do something like that. Everybody wants to feel beautiful.

Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, wouldn't that be fun? I used to love up how creative, the responses that I got were so empowering and something that I didn't even realize was how much we're looking to other people to give us permission. And when I started performing, yeah, women would come up to me middle aged women, and they'd be like, thank you. You were so beautiful on stage, even though you're not, you know, a hundred pounds and totally buff. And you have given me permission to love my stretch marks and to love my flag. And you've given me permission because you did that. So it was an amazing response from everybody.

Speaker 1: That's incredible. I think everyone has this inner persona. I know when I was a kid, my mom who's my, one of my heroes did things that were out of the norm of somebody. You know, who, you know, in the early seventies would play in coed softball teams. Or I would go sit with her when she was at her belly dancing classes and just watch her be her own persona. And so many times we can lose that persona. Maybe we had it when we were young, maybe we identified with it. But then we start to feel a little disconnected with this sort of side of ourself that wants to be this person. So oftentimes you meant in your book, you mentioned this sort of distracted quality as this sort of shimmering glitter that gets thrown up into the air when there's a light on it. And you kind of get distracted by what's really going on. Talk to us about that and how often you might even see people you work with, or the people you help get distracted by the glitter. What does it, how does it manifest itself?

Speaker 2: So many different ways, so many different ways. First of all, most people, and it's not that we're doing anything, but most of us are. So there's so many different layers to us, psychologically, emotionally, and what comes out. Isn't really what it's about and how that manifests is so many people aren't happy at work. They complain about their boss. They complain about the hours. They complain about the commute. They complain about the benefits. They complain about all of these different things around their job. And then they get a new job. And the same thing happens at the new job. And then they get another new job. And the same thing happens at the other new job. It's the concept of everywhere you go, there you are. And it's so much easier to start saying, Oh, it's the hours. It's the company. It's my coworkers. It's whatever it is.

Speaker 2: Instead of looking within and saying, what is wrong in here in my heart? What do I need to focus on? What do I need to admit to myself or to acknowledge within me? Which parts of me are not getting heard. And that's what I mean by the distraction of the glitter. It's just so easy to say, you know, my wife's stupid. My husband's a dork. My kids are idiots. My parents are stupid. Have you ever noticed how often people complain about all the things that are in their environment, but very rarely do they just sit back and take that breath and say, I wonder which pieces of me are in pain right now. I wonder which pieces of me are not being heard. I wonder where I'm suppressing my true light. And that's what that distraction of the glitter is. When we're alone and quiet, we can really hear ourselves and hear what needs to come up. And it's not always negative, but it's just looking within and not being distracted and owning who we are and what we feel.

Speaker 1: Right. You know, how much of this do you think we're consciously thinking about? And you talk about this in your book and how much of you, but do you think is subconscious? Like we're doing these things, you talked about reliving this moment, again and again, I'm in a different place, a different job driven scenario. How much of this is just like programming that we're not even aware of that we're living in?

Speaker 2: Oh, fantastic question. Most of it is programming. Our co the conscious portion of our mind is literally only between about one and 11% of our minds power and everything else is subconscious. So the way our parents did it between like zero and age six, the way we were raised to believe that for our subconscious programming, and it's like the operating system of a computer, you don't know that it's there. It just operates the different programs. And if you try to upload a new program is not compatible with the way that your computer runs. It won't work. And that's what happens to so many of us. We have this blueprint, we have this, you know, hard drive. We have the subconscious programming that we're not even aware of because we've lived with it our whole life. It's, it's the fish and the water, the fish doesn't know it's in water because it's always been in water. So then we have these great ideas about how we're going to change our life, how we're going to, you know, whatever it is, get fit, lose weight, become a multimillionaire, whatever. And we're trying to run this program with maybe 10 up to 10% of our mind, where we have 90% of our subconscious pattern patterning in our brains thing, incompatible, it doesn't compute, it doesn't run. And we don't know why.

Speaker 1: So what do you do? So like, here are people listening to this. Maybe they're maybe they can see, wow, this is a huge shift for someone to make from a corporate attorney to this idea of seeing burlesque transform them into a new person. Um, what do you see clients? You help people who are like trying to find this inner truth, this naked truth that you described, what are, what are some of the ways in which people can start to observe and maybe kind of identify the fact that they have some of these subconscious beliefs that they may not even know are there

Speaker 2: The biggest thing is to allow yourself to get curious, to know that there's nothing right or wrong about it. It just is. And to start challenging yourself a little bit with some questions, when you have a knee jerk reaction to something, just to be able to ask yourself, where did that belief come from? Is this true for me? And then if you just instantly be like, Oh yeah, this is true. Challenge yourself. Well, where did that belief come from? Why do I think this career path is more worthy than that career path? Is it around money? Is it around prestige? Who told me that men don't do this, or women don't do this? What are my beliefs about a wife? Or think a mom, what are my beliefs around that? Just to curiosity, because there are so many things that we just take for granted.

Speaker 2: And if we actually just give ourself a moment to start thinking, what do I really believe? I will admit. It's kind of frightening sometimes, but it does allow you to start understanding, like for myself, I was raised by a stay at home mom, same like you in the seventies, there were beliefs around what women did and did not do. There were beliefs around what men did and did not do. And it wasn't until I started challenging myself and saying, what does it mean to be a worthy woman? What does it mean to be a provider? What does it mean? And then just allowed myself to answer, and then I would kind of start laughing. Oh, that is a hilarious belief. I really have a part of me that believes leave it to Beaver is true. Wow. That's interesting. And then you can start laughing and challenging yourself in your beliefs, and then you can also choose. I do think this is good or no, I don't think that is good. And then you start becoming your own person.

Speaker 1: Yeah, that's really great. So just this curiosity stay in a place of curiosity. You know, like maybe you have a story around money that money's hard to come by. It's difficult to get difficult to keep. Maybe you realize that there's some programming that's brought to you by your family, that money doesn't grow on trees, turn off those lights, you're wasting money. So you think that you start PR you start chasing this rabbit down this hole to figure out what it is. One of the ways you describe it in your book is as you relate to the conscious into the subconscious is the power of, of the use of hypnosis. I think for a lot of people that sounds like something you'd see on a stage or something you do in a therapy chair, help people understand in the way you describe it. What, what hypnosis really does as it does, as you explained, it helped you maybe talk about your journey and why that's so useful to people who are trying to kind of undo this unconscious programming.

Speaker 2: Absolutely. Just so people understand hypnosis is just a brainwave state. And the average person goes into hypnosis about seven times a day. Advertising is designed to put the brain into hypnosis, um, whether it's advertising on the radio or on TV. So it's a natural brainwave state, and it's just a state of heightened suggestibility. So if you want to change the conscious portion of your mind, you address it consciously. And if you want to address the subconscious portion of your brain, where all patterning takes place, you need to address things subconsciously. Now, whenever we learn something new, we're doing it with the conscious portion of our mind. So if you think about driving, when you first learn how to drive, it's difficult and you have to concentrate and you have to think, and you have to coordinate when to turn on the blinker and when to put your foot on the brake and you're thinking, and your you're just hot. You're just stressed out. You're in the conscious portion of your mind. But once you learn how to drive, it becomes a subconscious habit. You drive without thinking about it. You put your foot on the brake and you don't think about it. You turn your blinker on and off and you don't think about

Speaker 1: That's right. You know, I think about sometimes I drove like I'm home already, but like wait, who was driving?

Speaker 2: Exactly. So that is a hypnotic state when you're driving like that, you're in hypnosis. So you can still function. You can still think you can still be alert to danger, but you're in a hypnotic state. So if you are capitalizing on the times where you naturally go into that hypnotic state, you can change the subconscious portion of your brain. So while you are driving, if you're listening to something positive, if you are repeating affirmations to yourself in that moment, you are accessing and changing the subconscious portion of your mind. But it's also on the flip side, if you're complaining and on the cell phone and you're grouching and griping the entire time you're driving home, you're just increasing the negative programming in the subconscious portion of your brain. So be very mindful of the times when you're in subconscious behavior and consciously create better habits during that time.

Speaker 1: That's great. You described some really great practices to help someone sort of become self aware about some of this programming that might be sitting beneath the surface. Um, we had an incredible author on here, Carol Kline, talk about this notion of luck that some of us believe we're lucky and some of us believe we're not. And you ever been in a car with somebody who says, Oh, I have a, I have a parking angel. And they always seem to get the best spa. And we think, gosh, I never get a good spot. I always just park in the back. Cause I never get one. There's something around that belief that you, you don't see the opportunity. You don't see these things cause they're subconsciously program because you believe them to be true. And so your mind goes automatically into this programming ritual. You talk about sort of identifying some of this, these things, give us a little bit of an exercise that we can do to start helping our ourselves be aware of these kinds of behaviors.

Speaker 2: Oh, there's so many different things that you can do. But one of the things that I like to do, and I actually don't talk about this very much in my book, but just a gratitude practice. We notice what we notice because of our subconscious programming. So if you're constantly noticing the negative, this is that navigating the negative. All you're going to notice is negative. And you're going to get more negative because you see more negative. So if you just shift the belief every single morning, just with a gratitude practice, I'm going to notice the positive things today. You start noticing the positive things and you start noticing more and more positive things. And same thing. Just catch yourself. What have I been noticing today? I've been noticing complaints, negative things, ugly things, broken things. Then you can tell what's going on in the subconscious portion of your brain is negative. Or if you're saying no, I'm noticing the blue sky and I'm noticing beautiful things. And I'm noticing freebies coming in on emails, then you will notice and know that your subconscious tends to be a little bit more positive. So you can just play that game with yourself by setting that intention every morning, to notice beauty, to notice kindness, to notice joy, to notice whatever it is. And pretty soon that becomes your natural state of being and what you notice. You get more of.

Speaker 1: Yeah. It's so true when you wouldn't know. If I say right now, you know, I had a 68 Squareback beetle. I've maybe seen one of the six months because they they're thinking about it. Um, I start to find them, they show up like, Oh, there's one. That's interesting. My mind, I noticed the thing that it might have been there all along, but I just wasn't paying attention. One of the things I do with my coaching groups, when I bring my team together for our company or groups, I coach, I make them all start with a good thing, because if you're not careful, people bring into a meeting, something that happened negative state of the world, something happened with their parents or whatever. And I make them say, you know, what's a good thing. That's happened since the last time we've been in this space. And it just trains our mind that we only show up with good things.

Speaker 1: And then that group, that's what happens. We know we're allow negative things to show up and it's a powerful, simple tool. Um, but, um, it's also a limit for me. It's eliminating words that I don't you, how was your day? The first reaction on my subconscious, this, it was so busy. I'm so busy. And so I no longer think that way. And when I catch myself, I say, Oh, how was your day? It's fantastic. Best day of my life. And then it's. So it is true because that's what I programmed my mind to look for the most incredible opportunities that today brought to me, or you're describing those kinds of like behaviors and thinking.

Speaker 2: Yes. And, and think about this too. The brain likes to close loops and what is presented with a problem. The brain wants to find the solution. So if you're with a bunch of people and they're complaining and they're telling you about your problems, it's that glitter, it's that distraction. And then all of a sudden, your brain is like, Oh, I can solve your problem and I can solve your problem on what you need to do is, and then all of a sudden you're looking for more problems and more solutions. And you're in that distraction where if you focused on the gratitude, the brain is more at peace and it can be in the present moment because there's a beautiful blue sky. And wow. I love the shade of purple on my pants. And Ooh, look at your hair. It looks great. You start noticing things and the brain is not desperate anymore. We talk about monkey mind, but we create monkey mind by constantly focusing on the problems because then the brain goes, I need to close a loop. I need a solution. I need a solution. We can turn that around just by appreciating and focusing. The good will finally bring our brain to a state of relaxation and a state of peace.

Speaker 1: That's so great. I think that's this. These are the tools that people don't teach in school that we don't learn even as adults that we're, we're having to pursue on our own. And I'm really glad that your book helps shed some light on these things. You're talking about, you know, these ideas of falling into these patterns, being distracted by the glitter. And you, you mentioned this one teacher, uh, Eliza in the book. And I think so many people can see themselves in simple stories like this. Tell us about that sort of example, where we w we catch ourselves down a wrong path. Some of us stay on that path too long. One of my mentors, Larry Rosenstock, who I called him to complain about a boss. One time I used to work for him and had his boss. I didn't enjoy. And he said to me as though, you know, the Turkish proverb. And I said, well, what is it? He says, no matter how long, no matter how long you've traveled down the wrong path, it's always the right time to turn around. And, uh, you know, we think we invested a long time. Mr. NISO, we shouldn't turn around, even though in our mind or our subconscious mind, perhaps know that this is the wrong thing. Talk about this example and how you can help us understand what it means to make that shift in the way you said you described as the dream. You never knew you had.

Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. Um, Eliza was one of my mom's student teachers. My mom was an elementary school teacher and she thought she wanted to be a teacher. And you student teach your very last semester. And she was amazing with the kids. And she could put together lesson plans and she could relate. And she was amazing, but she just wasn't happy. It just didn't resonate with her. And she couldn't really put her finger on why, but everybody said, you know, it's your last semester, don't be silly. Get your teacher's license, get a job. You've worked so hard. You've got all these loans, but in her heart, she just knew it was wrong. But like so many of us who know it's wrong, we don't know what it is that we want, because if we knew what we wanted, it would be easy. She didn't know what she wanted.

Speaker 2: She had always been passionate about helping. So she just decided to join the peace Corps and to see what happened. She was literally just trusting the universe and taking a bit of a freefall and taking that time to go within and process. Well, she was sent to Africa. She'd never been to Africa. She didn't know anything about Africa, but literally after a week of being there, she was in heaven. The smells, the sounds, the colors, the people, it was truly as if her soul had returned home, but she didn't know it because she had never experienced it before. And that was the beauty of the story is her allowing herself to free fall, to fail. She could have joined the peace Corps and hated every moment of it. But that would have been okay too, as it was, she joined the peace Corps, went to Africa, realized this is where I want to be.

Speaker 2: This is where my heart is. She loved it. Her time in the peace Corps was up. She came home and she was miserable still. Now she was miserable in a different way though, because before she didn't know what she wanted to do, and now she knew it was Africa. She wanted to be there again. Everybody thought she was crazy. Why would you leave the U S and go to Africa? Right? That makes no sense. She tried to stick it out here for a little while, and then just realized, I know what I want. I know where I need to be. And she went back, she met an amazing man. They got married. They've had three kids. And she has literally spent the rest of her life in Africa, happy beyond her wildest dreams. And she's using many of her gifts and her skills as a teacher in Africa, even though she's not a formal teacher, the way you would think about being a teacher in the U S literally everything coalesced. And she was able to lead this life that she could have never foreseen or envisioned or planned for herself because she hadn't given herself the opportunity to get curious, explore and give it a try.

Speaker 1: That's amazing. I love this example because so many of us think, well, if I leave this, I don't know. What's on the other side, it's sort of like they built a whole game shows around what curtain do you want to choose? And so many people want the safest answer with the best result and life isn't that way. And we don't have time to go through the entire flaunt method. But the one that sparked the initial curiosity me was this, this idea of finding your fetish, because so many of these words strike this taboo feeling when we start thinking about this, but you really did a great job explaining that you have a whole system for helping people kind of release sort of the outward shell and kind of find their, their naked truth. Help us understand at least what you mean when you start steering people towards that first step in the font method, helping people kind of under uncover their fetish.

Speaker 2: Oh, I love that. Yeah. Fetish is a fun word. Our culture has this belief that if it feels good, it's gotta be bad. If it's fun, it's gotta be bad, but really life is meant to be fun. And it's okay. And it's good for us to move into things that we enjoy. And the example that I like to share with people is think back to when you were a kid, you played for the sake of play, you didn't play to get better at something you didn't play to impress somebody else. You would just get lost in those whole world. You know, whether you were climbing trees or playing with dolls or cars, and you'd get this whole storyline going in your head and you would just move into this beautiful place of play. And that is a natural state for all of us to be connected to that creativity, to that passion connected to that energy that is source energy flowing through us. And when we can find our fetish as an adult, that just means we have found all of that. We have found that magical place of play and artistry and passion and creativity, and it makes everything better. It makes our relationships better. It makes us more successful at work. It makes us happier in our bodies and in our minds and in our hearts, nobody can have imposter syndrome and be depressed and, you know, miserable and down. If they know what their fetish is and pill allow themselves to play.

Speaker 1: I love that you described the, sort of, this idea of this, this symbol, this thing, and for you, you mentioned dance. And they also mentioned like the feather that Dumbo carried as sort of a symbol of like that, that ability to do something you didn't know, you can do. What's the connection there and help people understand how they can maybe figure out more specifically how they can identify that for themselves.

Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Dumbos feather is the greatest example, I think because he believed he could fly only because of the feather and really the power was within him all the time. And that's how it is for all of us. We think we can succeed at work if somebody notices us or we think we can succeed on our own. If we get discovered, we're always thinking that the power is outside of ourselves when really it's within, but it's okay to fool ourselves too. If we have a lucky rock or I have a Tiara that I wear when I want to feel extra powerful, it's okay to identify that thing and to imbue it with all of the magical strength that you don't have in the moment. And in my book, I talk a lot about creating your burlesque identity, creating your burlesque persona, and I call it your alter ego.

Speaker 2: And I spell it alt a R instead of alter with an E meaning other it's the alter or that part of you, that you can look up to that you can Revere that part of you that knows everything. And when we have that alter ego and we have easy access to our alter ego, that is an identity that we can wear. And the example that I use in the book is when I was a lawyer, I could pick up the phone and I could fight for somebody else's rights. I could say very clearly and confidently, that's not fair. That's not right. And in order for justice to be served, this needs to happen because I was doing it on behalf of them. But I had a harder time doing that on behalf of me, I would always think, Oh, I can suck it up. I can get over it. I'm not that important. And that's silly. And that's what that alter ego, that Dumbos, feather, that fetish that's, what's, it's designed to do to allow you to step into your power to say, I am worth it. And this is not fair. And this is my truth, and this is what I deserve. And with all the compassionate kind loving force that I am, I will stand in my truth and I allow myself to shine and to flourish and to stand up to what I know in my heart is right for me.

Speaker 1: That's great. Let's, let's kind of close up. You're helping people understand how you decided to write this book. What was the journey like for you? For example, how long did it take you to write? What was your writing habit and what did it feel like to release it finally into the world?

Speaker 2: I'm embarrassed to say that it took me about 10 years to write the book because I was not serious about it for about seven years. I would just have these ideas, Oh, this is a great methodology, and I'll write it down and I would write down a story. And then I think, well, this is a great story. I'll just write it down. And it was very scattered. Finally, when I got focused, I would write whatever felt like it needed to come out in the moment I was disciplined in my writing time. I liked to write late at night because that's when my creative juices were flowing. And that's when things were quiet. So I would discipline myself to write at night, but I would allow myself to write whatever was just oozing out of my soul at the moment. And when I wrote like that, I never had writer's block because I would just sit down, tune in and be like, Hey, what needs to come out? And it didn't matter if it was really relevant or not. I just allowed it to come out. And it was so cathartic and it felt so good to write that way because it was healing. And I feel like the words are more imbued with my passion and my soul, because I was able to write that way.

Speaker 1: That's awesome. I often help people write this way as well, because I think most people think that creating an outline is the best way to get a book moving. But I often think it's really limiting. I equate it to a concrete path where, you know, you pour down this concrete, you start going, laying down the wood, getting the sand, tamping it down, mixing the cement, pouring it in, and you realize, Oh, I don't want it to go this way. I want to go a little more left. Well, by the time you pour the concrete, you're not going to tear it up and start again. You just say, forget it or just go this way. Even though it's not the way I want to go, it'll work. But if you think of it, the writing is creating these beautiful stones, these wonderful truths down and stacking these beautiful stones on the side of the garden.

Speaker 1: Then when it's time to assemble the path you go, well, I'll use all of these are maybe I'll use fewer more space in between to give chance for them to leap, or maybe I'll make it closer. So it's not so difficult. It's a much more joyous and cathartic experience as you described for the author when they just find themselves in the writing, in the flow, in that state of being in their work, as opposed to is this good enough? Will they like it? Who will read this? Those things keep us from writing States of flow. So I'm glad to hear that you, you have experienced that. It doesn't matter. It took time. It came out the way I was supposed to, but that's really helpful for people to understand. There is no right way to write a book or no wrong way, I should say. And you can just do it the way you find passionate. Let's talk, let's talk about where people can find more about Yulara. Like if they want to learn more about the book, of course, we'll link it up in the show notes, but wherever would they learn more about this incredible method you're sharing so they can maybe follow you and see what you're up to.

Speaker 2: Oh, wonderful. The best way to learn more about me is to go to my website. Now I spell my name a little bit differently. It's L O R a Laura C H E a D L E. So it's just Laura cheadle.com. And right now I have a really fun bundle of joy gift pack that people can download. And it's got an intro to lap dance video, a hypnosis MP3 download, and an increase your intuition worksheet, but you can play all over my website. I've got a lot of great stuff. L O R a Laura cheadle.com. And you can also find me across all social media. I am most active on the flaunt flock Facebook group, where we all work together and kind of share our journeys going through the five steps of plot.

Speaker 1: Amazing. Thank you so much for being our guests for being willing to take a risk and put your truth out in the world. It's inspiring to all of us who are looking for the inner, uh, glitter to kind of show up as opposed to be distracted by the glitter from the outside. Thanks again for being here.

Speaker 4: [inaudible].

powered by

Lora Cheadle is a transformational thought leader and media personality who empowers women to let go of judgment, overcome the need to please, express themselves fully, and find uninhibited success and joy every day. 

Named an Exceptional Woman of Excellence by the Women Economic Forum, Lora is beloved for her ability to cut through the confusion and catalyze lasting change in a playful manner. 

Laura is the host of the top-rated radio show, FLAUNT! Build Your Dreams, Live Your Sparkle, where she provides women with the tools, skills, and insights to create and meet their own standards, choreographing their life – their way. 

She is the author of the bestselling book FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self. Using the five steps of FLAUNT!, she encourages others to take the lead in the dance of life despite any external circumstances. 

What We Discuss with Lora Cheadle:

  • Lora’s professional journey and finding that call to look within
  • The notion of naked self-worth and what burlesque dance taught her
  • The FLAUNT! method
  • The shimmering glitter that distracts us and how it manifests in people
  • How to break your limiting self-beliefs
  • Understanding the process of hypnosis and practices to develop self-awareness
  • The story of Eliza
  • Uncovering your fetish
  • Lora’s book writing process

[01:49] A Calling to Start Looking Within

The book is Lora’s journey to drop all of that extraneous stuff and external validation. She had to look within and find out who she was, exclusive of her labels, her rules, scripts, her expectations, and even her beliefs. It was an opportunity for her to allow the essence of who she was to start becoming.

[05:00] Having a Naked Self-Worth

During her law practice, Lora won her first case for her client. But the judge ignored her ability to outmaneuver the male attorney. Instead, he criticized Lora for the way she looked and dressed. Lora wanted the judge to validate her because she wanted that external validation. And she didn’t give it to herself. 

Naked self-worth is the ability to value yourself for who you are, instead of what others perceive you who or think you should be.

She sent herself to a shame spiral, questioning what’s wrong with her. Have she had naked self-worth at that time, she could have separated the judge and his perception of her with her own perception and knowledge. She could have validated herself for it.

[10:42] What Burlesque Dance Taught Her

Realizing her life isn’t juicy and thrilling, Lora starting thinking about going back to dance. Lora saw how burlesque was actually about stripping down and shedding of the emotional layers, not just the physical layers. 

Our clothing signifies who we are and our role. Oftentimes, it’s our value, a power suit. Burlesque teaches us that you can be more than what your roles are. 

Burlesque uses clothing as a symbolic metaphor for power, your shame, cover, or mask. It’s your enhancement. Then as you take it off, you are removing those layers on an emotional level by revealing your heart and your essence underneath. 

[15:38] The FLAUNT! Methodology

Instead of having an identity around our qualities, and about who we really are inside, we get confused. 

We own these identities of being a mother, a father, a child, a teacher, a writer, or whatever. But everything in life is transitory. Those roles will shift. 

At some point, somebody will die. You will lose your job. Your kids will move out of the house. That’s why midlife crises happen because when we’re confronted with a diagnosis, a divorce, a job loss, or the death of friends or families, we don’t know who we are anymore.

Unless you know who you are –  naked underneath all of those layers –  you really don’t have anything to hold on to. 

The FLAUNT! methodology is designed to teach what naked self-worth is all about. Of course, you can play these roles and embody all these different things.

But unless you know who you are inside, you will constantly find yourself rocked by the world. You will find yourself taken down and completely undone by somebody else’s judgment of you by a job loss or whatever. And it’s difficult if your identity has been based on those things. 

[21:17] The Shimmering Glitter that Distracts Us and How It Manifests in People

The distraction of the glitter is when you’re blaming your unhappiness on your company, your co-workers, your spouse, or whatever it is. Because of this, you fail to wonder about which pieces of you are in pain right now, which pieces of you are not being heard, and which parts of you are you suppressing your true light. 

Spend time to be alone and quiet and look within without being distracted.

Most of it is because of programming. Allow yourself to get curious to know that there’s nothing right or wrong about it. Just start challenging yourself a little bit with some questions. Where did that belief come from? Is this true for you? Challenge yourself. 

[32:02] Practices to Develop Self-Awareness

Practice gratitude. Shift your focus to positive things in life and start by practicing gratitude every single morning. Then catch your thoughts throughout the day. If you notice you’re thinking about negative things or complaints, shift them into positive thoughts. 

Set an intention every day to notice beauty, kindness, and joy. 

When you focus on gratitude, the brain is more at peace and it can be in the present moment.

[41:19] Uncovering Your Fetish

It’s a natural state for all of us to be connected to that creativity, passion, and energy. And when we can find our fetish as an adult, that just means we have found that magical place of play, artistry, passion, and creativity, and it makes everything better. It makes our relationships better and we’re more successful at work. We become happier in our bodies, and in our minds, and in our hearts. 

Nobody can have imposter syndrome and be depressed and miserable and down if they know what their fetish is and they allow themselves to play.

[45:24] Lora’s Writing Process

It took about 10 years for Lora to write the book because she wasn’t serious about it. Finally, when she got focused, she would write whatever felt like it needed to come out at that moment. 

Lora would discipline herself to write at night. But she would also allow herself to write whatever was just oozing out of her soul at the moment. Doing this keeps her from a writer’s block. This process of writing was cathartic and healing for her.

Episode Resources:

Lora Cheadle’s radio show: FLAUNT! Build Your Dreams, Live Your Sparkle

Lora Cheadle’s book: FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self

Listen to her podcast or find out more at www.loracheadle.com and download your free Bundle of Joy gift pack, which contains an intro to lap dance video, a hypnosis MP3, and an Increasing Your Intuition Worksheet.

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